Why We Worry: The Roots of Anxiety and How to Cope

Anxiety is something many of us struggle with. We try to manage it on our own, devouring self-help books and searching for solutions, but often end up feeling more lost and confused. For some of us, anxiety can become so overwhelming that even the things we once enjoyed feel impossible to do. Well-meaning but unhelpful advice like "just stop overthinking," "get out of your head," or "be more disciplined" often fails to make a difference.

Psychotherapy can be a powerful tool for understanding and managing anxiety. By working with a professional, we can begin to uncover the underlying fears and thought patterns that contribute to our distress. Through this process, it becomes clear that anxiety is often linked to multiple aspects of life—career, relationships, self-image, health, or even broader concerns like global issues. But why does this happen? Where does anxiety originate?

At its core, anxiety is a natural response to uncertainty and perceived danger. For example, a common trigger is public speaking, where the fear of judgment and social rejection can activate an intense anxious reaction. While fear in small doses is a normal part of life, when it becomes overwhelming, it can lead to anxiety disorders, panic attacks, phobias, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

Examining the roots of anxiety reveals a range of fears—fear of making wrong decisions, failing in relationships or careers, disappointing loved ones, or not reaching one’s potential. These fears are largely shaped by the relentless pressure to meet societal, familial, and cultural expectations. Unrealistic beauty standards dismiss natural ageing, media idealises relationships, and career success is often measured against the achievements of a select few. The constant demand to excel in all areas of life—appearance, wealth, travel, family, and social responsibility—can create a persistent sense of inadequacy and anxiety.

A fun fact: the word "success" once referred to both positive and negative outcomes. It wasn’t until after the 18th century that it came to mean only positive achievements. If you’ve pursued multiple interests without a traditional "success story" to show for it, you might feel like you don’t fit into today’s standards. But there is nothing wrong with that! Success is personal, and trying to conform to someone else’s version of it can lead to frustration and unhappiness.

We each have our journey, and true happiness comes from letting go of external pressures. But how do we stop caring so much about others’ expectations? How do we silence the inner noise that doesn’t belong to us? Here are some practical ways to reduce anxiety and embrace a more carefree approach to life:

• Ask yourself, "What’s the absolute worst that could happen?" Putting things into perspective can be powerful. If the worst outcome isn’t life-threatening, it may not be as terrifying as it seems.

• Use words to process your fears. Whether through journaling or talking to a friend or therapist, expressing thoughts can help untangle the mental clutter.

• Limit exposure to social media and external comparisons. Social media bombards us with curated success stories that can fuel self-doubt. Reducing exposure allows you to focus on your path at your own pace.

• Try this exercise, commonly used in acting schools. When you feel anxious walk around the room, approach different objects, and say, "I don’t know what I’m doing, and that’s okay." Keep doing this until you feel better. Over time, you’ll realise no one knows what they're doing and that’s perfectly fine.

• Meditation is key. Meditation can help quiet the external noise and reconnect with your inner self. If you’re new to it, start with sleep meditation to ease nighttime anxiety. Move on to mindfulness meditation to develop awareness of your body and thoughts. Eventually, explore more advanced meditations requiring deep focus. This practice can help filter out unnecessary distractions and strengthen your inner voice.

  
  

If these suggestions don’t work immediately, don’t worry—it takes time. But each small step can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life. And remember, no one has it all figured out. We’re all still learning.